Beauty Trumps Chaos Anyday

     Did you ever notice how in the midst of a train wreck, amidst all the horror and the wreckage, there is some strange sense of beauty to it? Why is that?

     My parents subscribed to digital cable last month for the better quality signal. I must say, it is beautiful. It did not come without its price, you see; we've been getting a lot of junk channels along with the ones we really wanted. Amazingly, the beauty outshines the chaos.
     You can also find that same sense of beauty in a horribly messy room. There is a show my mother found on one of the BBC channels, called "How Clean is Your House?" The two ladies on this show travel all over Britain to help people with messy homes transform them into clean homes. There are some seriously disgusting houses on this show! Some houses are so bad, the hosts have almost vomited on camera.
     The show is quite addictive. It is really hard to stop watching, even while finding how much filth some people have been living with. At first glance, all one would be able to notice is chaos. Half-empty glasses of water left to air dry, grease and grime caked onto the countertops, the air is rife with stench, cigarette boxes piled in the corner, books piled next to the cigarettes to make a bench for the smoking, clothes strewn about to become the new shade of carpet, and last but not least, there is a bed in there! Somewhere.
     I wonder how someone could possibly live like that without dying of some horrid disease. I can understand a cluttered house.When you live a busy life as a student, there is less time to clean. I realize now that it is nothing to be ashamed of. I simply must make more of an effort to tidy up. Someone once explained this principle to me as "Not messy, but alternatively organized. Think of it as everything you own, being within a comfortable reach." Right on. I can deal with clutter. As I survey the clutter about my own room, I notice a subtle though definite order to it. There is a place for literally everything in my room! There is such a twisted sense of beauty to the whole thing.

     I am in utter chaos right now because of school. This is Senior Year (Yay!), and it is going to be a long one. It is going to get worse as I come closer to the end. Even so, there will be good things to come. I realize now that I have been only focusing on the chaotic aspect of it. I do that a lot. Why is it that the simple lessons are always the hardest to learn? God blessed me in so many ways this year alone. I look back at those blessings and I realize how I would have missed out on them if I felt the way I did yesterday while stressing over school. I would have completely missed the point. I am not talking about simply ignoring difficult problems to find the "silver lining." That only goes so far. What happens when there is no "silver lining" at all? What happens when you are blinded by your chaos?
     I am talking about looking at chaos through God's eyes. The chaos doesn't appear the same as it did before; more than likely, the chaos will disappear into something more valuable. I think God allows us to see "silver linings" in creation because He designed it that way. He reveals part of His character. I also think He recognized we would get to a point where we couldn't see a "silver lining" anymore. We can't do it on our own! That is the point where our limit ends and His continues on into infinity. Sara Groves paints this picture beautifully in her song, "Less Like Scars." The entire song is worth a listen if you are not familiar with it. To give you an idea, consider these words she sings in the chorus: "...and in Your Hands, the pain and hurt look less like scars and more like... character." This is something that can only be experienced by walking with the Lord.
     His beauty, His goodness, His mercy... all of Him will triumph over the chaos in which we despair! That is a promise. There is a name for this phenomenon; it is known as Joy. Don't be mistaken, "Joy" is not the same as "Happiness." Joy is deeper. One can be filled with joy even in the worst of circumstances. There are many things in this world that can simulate joy, but they do not satisfy. Again, this is something that can only be experienced in walking with the Lord.

     I do want a deeper walk with the Lord. I want the Joy He offers. I want the life He is calling me to. I want that more than anything else this world could offer.

     I had a tough day yesterday, but something wonderful did happen in the midst of all the stress. I didn't recognize it and didn't even accept it as beautiful because I was so focused on the chaos. How foolish of me! I could have completely missed the point. I could have ruined His blessing for me by way of my ignorance.

     Yesterday was tough, but it turned out to be a wonderful day. In fact, now that I think about it, that is all I remember about yesterday: the beauty. There it is again! Beauty triumphant over chaos. Joy.


Thank You, Lord, for blessing me yesterday when I wasn't expecting it.
Thank You for reminding me of this important lesson that I always seem to forget.
Lord, give me eyes to see and ears to hear You in the midst of the chaos.
Help me to recognize You are there with me in the storm.
Help me to recognize the beauty and the joy that You bring.

Happy Turkey Day!

Thanksgiving is among my most favorite of holidays. I enjoy seeing my family, and then sharing a huge meal with them. This is the perfect time of year to forget about calories and distances. This is an especially good time to forget about those "celebrate Christmas in advance" types.
This holiday is particularly special to me because of what it meant to my Aunt Gale. Out of all the holidays of the year, she requested this holiday to be the one she would host. No matter where we were or what state of health we were in, she requested this holiday to be the one we would give our all for. To give you some background, my Aunt and Uncle had eleven(!) children over the course of my upbringing. She loved to have us all at the house, even though there was barely enough room to fit everyone! There were always good memories at Thanksgiving. Life with such a big family rarely knows a dull spot. There was always something going on. Sadly, my Aunt is no longer with us today. Her untimely death occurred three years ago; she was in her late forties, pregnant with number eleven at the time. I am glad to say we, meaning my entire family, have kept the tradition about Thanksgiving in her honor.
Thankfully, my Uncle was able to remarry about a year and a half after my Aunt passed away. It was by my late Aunt's request, of course. God listened, and provided him with a wonderful woman to help him lead this family. His new wife, my Aunt Deb, had children of her own to join the family. Now, you can imagine exactly what I mean when I use the term "full house."

By God's grace, they were able to move to a larger house last year. In fact, that is where I am posting from right now! I am here at their home, sharing Thanksgiving with my family. No, I'm not being anti-social! My cousin John is sitting here with me helping to mark this memory on T Space. The whole thing started when my Aunt Deb and I wanted to exchange blog links. John thinks I am taking too long now, and he is getting ready to tear my head off, so I must wrap this up quickly!

Please, check my Aunt's page (Mom of Sixteen) to learn more about my family. She's learned some great things by taking care of so many. Don't belive me? Take a look for yourself! Then, I dare you to recite my cousins' names three times fast.



So, relax! Have a great Thanksgiving. Loosen that belt, and enjoy the time you have to spend with whoever you are enjoying it with. Eat to your heart's content, then eat some more. Don't forget: tomorrow there will be leftovers. :)

Massive Effect

     I came very close to buying an XBox 360 tonight. So close, but alas, I did not.

Yeah, I know. Very exciting. Let me start from the beginning...

     This whole mess started when I caught wind of one of the most interesting games I have ever seen. I am talking about the game Mass Effect. If you have not heard about it yet, check it out right here!


     The game appears to be a new style of RPG, set in a future where most of our galaxy has been colonized. There are dozens of alien races and new worlds to explore. You start the game as a commander in the "Alliance" military and begin to build your team as the game progresses. True to RPG form, your character is fully customizable. You will be playing as yourself in this game.
     The visuals in the game are amazing. Most of the trailers out on the net are shown in HD, and the screenshots from the game are also very impressive. The characters are frighteningly lifelike! The people you talk to will respond with varying emotions and facial expressions based on how you treat them. They even have little imperfections and quirks in their appearance. That meticulous attention to detail is what interested me the most. With a strong plot to carry it along, this game will be fantastic. This is the game that made me consider buying an XBox 360.

     Last week, I received a notice in my email about a store that would be selling refurbished XBox 360's in a killer deal at a very affordable price. As soon as I read the ad, my consideration now turned to desire. I wanted one! I wanted it as soon as I could get it! I knew where this store was located, I had time to go grab it, and I had money in the bank...
Well, to be honest, I would have had to move some money around to be able to afford the XBox, but I could have done it with no problem. As soon as I realized the rationalization I was making, I stopped.

     For the past two months, I have been trying to keep track of my budget. I am not in trouble financially, not even after buying the Elantra. (Thank You, Lord!) Rather, I want to be a good steward of the money God has blessed me with. I have been in dire straits before. What college student hasn't?! Now that I have a steady income, I would like to use it properly. I'm not saying that buying things for entertainment is wrong. When I need to shift money that has been allocated for other things, and the reason is not for an emergency, then that becomes a different story. I began to see in that brief moment how this XBox was quickly turning into an idol. I closed my eyes. I stopped thinking about it all for a minute, and started to pray about it.

     In those moments where I brought the issue to the Lord, I felt less and less drawn to answer my impulse to buy. I began to remember the mountains of schoolwork I am contending with this term in Drexel. In fact, that was all I could think about at that moment! Still, I wanted the XBox! I wanted Mass Effect!
     Instead of straining and anguishing over the situation, I laid it all at the Lord's feet. He knew exactly what I wanted. He knew what I was trying to do. He knew I wanted to honor Him. The deal at this store was good until Sunday the 11th, and my payday would be Friday the 9th. (Which is today.) I told God that I wanted His guidance for this situation. I told Him that I would wait until I was paid, that is, until I had money in the bank. I would call the store after work, and if they still had some XBoxes to sell, I would know that it would be alright to buy one. God would provide. After I prayed, I stopped stressing about it. My stress came back when I started into my schoolwork again, but that's besides the point.

     Payday finally came, and I called the store. I called them as I was beginning to run some errands on my way home. I waited through all the elevator music and customer service messages to finally get my answer: they had sold out.


Alright, Lord. I trust You.
And that was it. I was perfectly okay with His judgment.


     I finished the rest of my errands, and drove home. Amazingly, I didn't have any remorse about not jumping on the deal while I had the chance, before the store sold out. I did start thinking about the reasons why God held it back from me. What was the purpose? Again, I remembered my schoolwork. Ugh.
     Then, I remembered the other two game systems I already own, and the hours I spend playing on them. I should say, the lack of hours I spend playing! I barely have time to play because of all my schoolwork. I recognized long ago that video games are fun, but are a huge problem when important work needs to be done instead. I recognized that the games are just a thing. I recognized that the XBox was just a thing. I thought of all the other "things" in my life. I thought about how these things could be getting in the way of my relationship with the Lord. I have been quite overwhelmed with all the things I'm going through, and in my heart of hearts, I really don't want one more thing to get between me and the Lord. I would be kicking myself for it.

     I was glad that I sought God's Will for this. I am much more solid than I thought I would be. I have no worries about "missing the opportune moment." Putting it in His hands really did have a massive effect on me. It is something so simple, yet I keep coming back to it. This is a lesson I need to learn well. Truthfully, I will be in this situation again soon. Once Resident Evil 5 is headed for the market, I'll be chomping at the bit!

     This was something else that occurred to me: Perhaps God isn't saying no to this forever? He just wants me to wait for something better. No Problem. I can live with that.
     Besides, the XBox 360 won't be as impressive unless it is plugged into an HDTV with an HDMI input. I don't have one of those.
     Will I ever get one? I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. For now, I am glad that I was faithful to God about it. I plan to continue. No worries.

One Man's Junk Is Another Man's Crap

I got a new car today! It is a 2002 model Hyundai Elantra. You may have noticed this is the year 2007. Okay, I knew that. Hey, it's still a new car to me!

     My old car, a '95 Dodge Stratus, was misbehaving yesterday morning on my way to work. I managed to drive it to the repair shop only to find out the bad news. It was as I'd feared: a blown head gasket. There was no way I was going to spend the money to repair a car so old. Time to look for a new one!

     I asked about the used cars on sale out in back of the shop. The mechanic walked back and showed me each one. Honestly, they were all out of my price range. The most I had to work with was $5000. I could have bought the cheapest one he had for $5500, a 2004 Kia, if I made a stretch. I really didn't want to do that, especially for a Kia. I thanked him for the tour, and started walking home. As frustrated as I was, I prayed the whole time.

     Like I mentioned before, my old car was a '95. I had gotten it for free, so I wasn't worried about it's condition. Now it was dead. I needed a new one not only for me, but for my sisters to borrow once in a while as well. So, this next car had to be reliable. I wanted at least a 2000 model. I had no idea how I was going to afford one, but I started looking anyway. I trusted God to provide me with something, even if that meant taking the bus for a while.
     My phone rang after only a few minutes into my search. It was the mechanic. He informed me that he had a Hyundai Elantra that one of his workers had just finished working on. It had a four-cylinder engine, Anti-lock brakes, heat and A/C. He told me he would be selling it for $3500. It had a few dents on it, which is why the car was so cheap! Otherwise, it was sound mechanically.

"What year is it?" I asked.

He checked his papers for a moment.

"This one is a 2002 model."

"I'll be right over."


I took my grandfather with me, and the two of us took that car for a test drive. No problems. The only damage on this car was cosmetic. How awesome is it that God provided me with a car that was beyond my expectations, right when I needed it?!

I bought it the very next day. It's a beauty.


Thank you, Lord! Thank you for answering my prayers and providing in my time of need!

Folowing The Leader - With A Vengeance

      This week has been an especially difficult week. The attacks are certainly growing stronger in the realm of Spiritual Warfare. I have been grappling with feelings that I have no idea how to describe. I just know that I've felt absolutely horrible. By all rights, I should have been fine. I was not in trouble with school or work, I had a loving girlfriend to talk to, I had all kinds of movies to watch and books to read, and best of all I had the Lord of all creation to sustain me. My car was just taken in for repairs, but even so, why should I be upset?! I am blessed in so many ways! These awkward feelings were constantly on my mind, like a gnawing parasitic creature. I could not get rid of them. I did not know how to get rid of them! So, I began to pray.
      I called to the Lord, asking for His Wisdom and His Peace. I had neither at the time. My mind was in a thousand different directions. I thought about the passage in James, chapter 1 and how it talks about finding joy in trials like these. Oh, how I wanted to. I really wanted to. I prayed every day about it, but my prayers felt so stifled, like I was doing nothing but whining to God. This was a very difficult time; I could feel attack from all sides, and I still had no way to explain it. I didn't know what was happening to me.
      Thankfully, the passage in James is completely true, as is all of Scripture. God did give me some answers during these past few days, but nothing like what I experienced tonight. Actually, nothing like what I experienced this morning. This will take some time, but it will be worth it. Follow along and you'll see what I mean.

      Yesterday, I found out about one of my friends making preparations for something I thought would be harmful. I was both shocked and puzzled. Why would they make such a decision? Why would they choose to do something like that? I had the opportunity to join in, though I quickly decided I wanted no part in it. It bothered me, it really did. I thought my friend was acting quite foolishly. I shouldn't have left it at that, but I put it aside, along with all the other things on my mind. It was a stupid thing to do. I didn't give it a second thought until I remembered my girlfriend would also be taking part in these plans. Now it bothered me even more. I took a look at the implications of this decision and recognized that it had the potential to turn out badly. I stopped what I was doing and prayed right then and there. I prayed again and again. "Am I seeing things clearly, Lord? Is it just me?" I felt God gently leading me to act, to speak up about what was going to happen. I had to warn this friend of mine. As soon as I had the chance, I did. I wrote a fairly lengthy email, not to condemn, but to ask my friend to reconsider. I realized fully well that I was throwing a monkey wrench into my friend's plans. I did my best to express my thoughts and opinions in Christ's love.
      Later on, I called my girlfriend, Kate, about the very same thing. I reminded her of the gravity of this decision. I warned her about the consequences. Eventually, I told her I recognized she was free to make her own decision. I am not in control of her. I had to give her that freedom of choice, but I would be very upset if she chose to go along. My heart sank as she chose the option I did not want her to. I was so distraught at the time that I just now realized I didn't tell her I loved her when I hung up the phone. I did manage to tell her that I would be praying for her and my friend.

      I prayed fervently after I hung up on her. I prayed for God to wrestle with both Kate and my friend as He wrestled with Jacob at Peniel. I asked Him to watch over them. I asked Him to speak to their hearts about what they were about to do. I continued praying for what seemed like an hour. I asked God to wrestle with me as well. I did not know what else to do. I did only what the Lord instructed me to. "Was that enough? Why wasn't it enough? Why was any of this happening?!"
      After praying, I tried to get to sleep but found no rest at all. I tossed and turned, unable to shake the issue from my head. I lay awake in bed, still wondering, "Why was this happening?" Then something changed.
      I began to feel a small push inside me. I began to feel an urge calling me to get up and go take a walk. "At this hour?! No way." I thought about it for a while. Walks have become very important to me. I normally take walks in stressful situations like these. I find them very enjoyable and relaxing, and downright therapeutic. If I am having an argument with anyone, there is something about taking a walk that always helps. Walks also offer me a unique chance to work things out with God, just the two of us. "But at this hour?! This is insane! I'm not even dressed!" I kept playing all these scenarios in my head of walking down the street and being gored by a stray deer who was in the mood to test his antlers. I knew it was an impossible scene; call it a nightmare, if you will. Suddenly, I remembered what I had asked God in my prayers. "Wrestle with me." I realized there had to be more to this urge to walk than I was giving credit. "But it's so late. It isn't safe to go out at this hour. This is not smart." God wanted to talk to me about something. 1 Corinthians 1:25 states, "For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength." By anyone else's standards this would be a foolish venture. This was God calling me. I read in my devotions a few weeks prior about how we are to expect God to act in our situations. We are certainly to expect Him to act, but not to expect Him in a particular way. I sat up, got dressed, and headed out for a walk. I had no idea where I was heading, but I knew that God would be there waiting for me. I stepped out into the unknown to go meet Him.

      I walked down to the park at the end of my street. I was amazed to find virtually no cars on the road or noises from anywhere! I had always heard about "meeting the Lord after midnight" and wondered why it was so important. I was finally getting my answer. It was literally just He and I; we were the only ones awake. I kept walking on the street, along the edge of the park, until I came to a trail. There was just enough light for me to see a good distance down the trail, but after that I was on my own. I had no flashlight. It was dark, and I was a little leery of what I might find back in the woods at this hour. Remember that nightmare about the deer? I had already seen some animal scurry across the path that I knew was too big to be a stray cat. I heard the call of something else that did not sound human. All these frightening images came to my mind. I also recognized that I did not come out here to stand on the street for a couple hours. "I came to wrestle with God. What if I completely miss the point of that because I didn't follow Him? Show some backbone."
I fought back my fear, crushed it, swallowed it, and then headed down the trail.
I followed the trail into an open area, and found myself surrounded by nothing but trees and the sky. There was just enough light to make out the fact that I was the only one in this small field. That is, just me and the Lord. I was not feeling much better from the previous events of the night. I was at my wit's end. So I told God about it. I also told Him about the rest of the emotions I felt. I started to pace about the field as I poured out the depth of my feelings. I told Him about how I was still feeling horrible, like earlier in the week. I told Him how my friend's decision had made me very upset. I told Him how Kate' s decision had made me very upset. I hated this feeling of division I felt with my girlfriend. It was tearing my heart apart. I did not understand why this decision even came to be! I shouted my frustration over it. "What is the purpose in all of this?! Why did it have to be that decision?!" I did not get it.
      Exasperated, I confessed that I did not know what to do about it anymore. I had played my hand in the situation. I did what I was told to do. I couldn't understand why, but it felt so inadequate. Now, I was without direction. I came out to the field to re-center my thoughts on the Lord, not on me. It was very difficult. I felt so lost in the sea of emotions I was in. I hated the fact that my girlfriend and I were divided. I hate being divided from her. I knew in the back of my mind that Satan was going to manipulate this situation to harm me further, so I prayed for that as well. I continued pouring out my heart to God for over half an hour. Finally, I asked God to be judge over the matter, not me. I asked Him to hold reign over my tongue and my mind. Slowly, I submitted my will to His. I did all of this as I kept pacing back and forth in the field. Eventually, I started to repeat myself to God, and realized I was getting nowhere. Much like I was walking circles in the field, I was replaying the scenes in my head of what took place that night, and was going nowhere fast. I grew tired and thought about heading home.
      I began to realize that up to this point I had done most of the talking in my conversation with God. I had not given Him a chance to speak. I wanted to hear what He had to say. I so desperately wanted to hear His voice. I took a deep breath and quieted my thoughts, then asked Him to speak to me. I wanted His direction for me in this mess of a situation. I prayed for His direction earlier that night, but now, I felt no direction at all. I felt so awkward and afraid, but still, I quieted my thoughts and listened for God. I heard the words "Trust in me. You need to trust in me." At first I thought it was me thinking those words. "Of course God would want me to trust in Him. Shut up, stop thinking, and listen for God to speak!" I tried even harder to quiet my thoughts. At one point, I quieted my thoughts so much that I lost track of my surroundings! I darted my eyes everywhere around me, looking for some attacker that could have been sneaking up on me the whole time. I just as soon realized the foolishness of this worry, and took a new stance in the fact that God was protecting me. Again, I tried to quiet my mind. I felt my thoughts drift, and then finally stop in a manner I can only describe as "turning off the radio." This was no trance I was in; I knew full well where I was. The only difference is that now I was not thinking about it. I stood there, just listening. I wanted to hear God's voice desperately, but I refused the urge to expect Him in a particular way. I prayed softly, barely a whisper on my lips, "Lord, speak to me." Then, deep inside my mind, I did hear a voice. It was a voice that was not my own, and it was not my thoughts either. It was God's voice I was hearing.

He asked me, "Do you trust me?"

I answered, "Yes."

"Then go forward,"

I opened my eyes and saw a path before me in the darkness. It was not the path I had taken earlier took earlier to get into the field. This was new. I looked back to see if anyone was behind me, but I was also honestly considering whether or not I should just head back home to bed. I wondered if I was really hearing God's instructions to walk on this path. Then, just as quickly, I snapped out of it. For the second time, I realized the incredible foolishness of my worries. I turned around, tossed my fears aside, and started walking on this new path God was telling me to walk.
Now let me clarify for a moment here. When I say that this path was dark, that would be an understatement. When I say dark, I am talking about PITCH BLACK. I could hardly see anything at all. I could barely make out the trail, except for what was right in front of me. I was ducking under tree branches and feeling all kinds of things under my feet. God only knows what else was scurrying about. I thought I knew these woods well, but not like this. I had no idea where I was headed. It took everything I had to resist the urge to be afraid. I trusted that God was leading me to go further into the woods, without a flashlight, for a reason. So I kept walking. Soon I came to a fork in the path. I stopped, and I waited. I heard the words, "Walk left," so I walked down to the left. Soon I came to another fork. I heard "Walk right," and I walked to the right. It kept on this way for a while.

                "Walk left. Continue on. Walk right."

I ducked under a few more trees and walked through dozens of spider webs. I could hear all sorts of different things moving around me. I should have been terrified, but still, I kept going. I did not look back at all. I kept my eyes ahead to see where God was taking me.
      I began to anticipate where He might be leading me, and at one point I thought I knew. I began to think of what He might say to me once I got there. "Good job. Now do you see why..." I quickly shut down that line of thought and kept walking.

      Soon, I saw lights from the street poking through through the tree line. The path I was on brought me closer and closer until I could almost see a way to get back to the street. I thought that it was time to get off the path and go home, but then God told me to "Turn around." I did, and saw another path heading further back into the woods. "Take that one." I have to be honest in saying I felt a small twinge of fear at this point. I wondered if I was really following God's lead. "I've been out in the dark for a long time now. What is God trying to show me?" I ignored those worries and kept going. The lights I had just come to were now fading behind me and soon I was back in total darkness.

            "Turn right. Turn left. Go straight through."

The path I was on led me down a hillside. I again began to wonder what I was going to learn at the end of this endeavor. "Turn right." Soon, I felt the terrain change to uphill. I smiled as I began to see lights again. "Continue on." I kept walking uphill, and finally, I walked out of the woods onto the street. The light from the street lamps flooded my eyes, and I saw exactly where God had taken me. He took me exactly where I needed to go: the top of my street. He took me home. God led me on a path that I never ever would have found on my own. I could not have done that that on my own without a flashlight. Even with a light, I doubt I would have been able to do it.
      I stood there just reveling in the awesome journey He led me on. Then, I heard the words, "I led you on this path, and you followed Me. I brought you to this place, and I brought you there. Now stand in it." I could hardly believe what just took place. I was in awe. I thanked Him for speaking to me in this unique way. I praised Him for His Wisdom and for His Grace. Then in the wee hours of the morning, I walked home and went to bed, but only after a quick shower of course.

      I think about how intense an experience I had this night. (Sorry, this morning.) Just as God led me down that path in the woods with no direction of my own, He had led me to act in the situation with my friend. My confidence wavered in light of the emotional turmoil I went through. I fought to keep my faith in the Lord, to have faith that what I was doing was for His glory. It was a desperate fight indeed. God gave me such a tremendous source of confidence to be able to follow Him into those woods. Now, He gave me a renewed source of confidence in the stance I had taken earlier with my friend. He even gave me peace over my relationship with Kate. He called me to act, and act I did. I am not to feel awkward about it in any way. He answered so many important questions for me. In order to get those answers, I had to follow Him through what anyone else would call "insanity." I had called it that myself. I laughed in the face of it, and I made it through. How much more will God deliver me through this trial? I know He will deliver me. I know He will work it all out in the end. I can't wait to find out how. Until then, I need to stand in the place He led me to. I am standing. May the Lord's will be done.


Thank You, Lord. Thank You for speaking to me this way.
Thank You for teaching me to follow You without fear.
Thank You for giving me understanding.
Thank You for raising me to a place of dignity.
Thank You for keeping Your hands on all of this.

Thank you.

Pringles

     This weekend a friend prayed over me for strength. I have been feeling particularly weak, and I don't see the reason for any of it. I don't know why I am so dragged down.

     While we were praying, my friend told me that God gave him this strange vision of a can of Pringles. Yes, Pringles. I told you it was strange.

My friend continued to explain how Pringles seldom show an abundance of strength. More often than not, one will open their can of Pringles to find a few shards of broken chip in between the good ones. He remarked on their claims about being "better than normal" potato chips. What difference does it make when half of the chips come out of the can all broken and smashed? Good question, but completely off his point.

     Coming back to his train of thought, he told me that he saw me as the broken Pringles. Broken, scattered, unable to hold up their own weight. I couldn't agree more. I do feel about as strong as a bunch of broken Pringles.
     He went on to say that God's strength was the can that will hold me up regardless, and is the ultimate driving force that will restore me. God only knows how much I need His strength now.

     It was quite a strange vision my friend received, but God knows how much I enjoy strange things. I wonder if God was trying to cheer me up a little with that. I especially liked the part about being held up, regardless of my current state. Oh, to be held in an embrace. There are few things I can think of that can restore someone from pain so effectively.

     Have I forgotten that God is forever holding me in His embrace, or have I been more concerned with my situation that I simply haven't noticed?

Good question.

A Hokie Lesson

     This week, an emotionally disturbed student at Virginia Tech decided to deal with his rage by firing upon his fellow students. As I looked over the first pictures from the news report, I tried not to worry. I had a friend that went to Virginia Tech, and I would be terribly unnerved to learn that she had been caught in the attack. I did not have her phone number on hand, so I emailed her as quickly as I could.
     I kept reading the bulletins. I started to grow somber as I saw the body count rise from 9 to 12, then shoot up to the twenties. Then, I came across one photo that showed the cops carrying the body of a girl, that looked very much like my friend, and my thoughts instantly turned for the worst.
     My friend finally got back to me a week later, and I am glad to say she is safe. Thank the Lord! Sadly, one of her friends was killed in the incident. She is pretty shaken about it. Suddenly, I find myself wanting to keep in contact with her a lot more closely.

     The shooting at Virginia Tech really made me evaluate my priorities in staying connected with the people I love. I realize that I am a student and that stuff gets in the way, but then I look at the fact that I haven't tried very hard either. I had not seen my friend at Virginia Tech for over 3 years, and if she had been shot, that would have been it. I would never be able to speak to her again. That hit me like a punch in the gut.
     I know that keeping in touch with friends will be increasingly more difficult after graduation, which is all the more reason to start the good habit now. I know it will be worth the effort. I look at my current habit of promising to email, but then never getting around to it, and it really sickens me. I intend to break this habit. I am so thankful that I have this chance to change my habits, and still be able to tell my friend about it.